How To Be Pro Like Me

I'm pretty pro at a lot of things, but the important ones are actually really easy. The only thing is, no self respecting person can ever do most of the things that I can. Why, you ask? Because they have self respect. I don't. So what is it about me, really, that lets me do the things I can and, better yet, lets me get away with it all the time? There's a few things, but most people can't manage to pick up these habits and such later in life. Let me list them, and a little about them.

First, my complete and utter lack of shame. I can literally do or say basically anything, and never get embarrassed. I walk around naked all the time, with no regards to windows that are wide open. Or, well, I used to, before I got a room mate. I have sex in public places, and enjoy it. Even all the things that I slip up and say thatt should embaress me, or the stories that people tell about me don't even phase me. If, for whatever reason, you decide to try and lose your sense of shame, you really need number two.

Two, my ego is completely unassailable. I know that I am awesome. No matter what happens, what anyone says, what I do, what I say, my ego cannot be deflated at all. The fact that even after all the years of abuse and ridicule from pretty much everyone, I am still quite proud of myself. This would surprise me, but I'm too good for that sort of thing. I don't think that I am better than everyone, I just think that I really am that good. My ego is a strange mix of pride and degredation that is virtually impossible to explain, and understanding it requires you to be insane. Ego can't be taught, it simply is.

The third one we'll talk about is probably my sense of humor/sarcasm. The slash is there for a reason, which I am going to guess that all of you know by now. Karen once told me that it's my sarcasm that gets me women. She may be right since most women seem to find it rather amusing for some reason, and if you can amuse a woman, you can sleep with her. Or at least get her to talk to you long enough that she will eventually sleep with you. Which takes about 5 minutes.

Yet another weapon in my arsenal is my voice. At work we have to do these call back things where we call all the people who have checked in and make sure that everything is ok. Well, I try not to do them, not because of anything other than that all the girls I work with have to leave the room when I start doing them. Why? Cause they all get wet listening to what they call my "Sexy Voice". Don't know what it is, but women love my voice, always have. If I could sing, I could be the white Barry White.

So what does all this really mean? It means I can pick up women with less effort than most men because I am confident enough to do it, and I have a few things that help. But really, anyone can pick up a chick, all you have to do is take the chance, and open your mouth. Talk to a woman and wether you're funny, attractive, and engaging, or none of these things you can still pick up on a woman, just not as many as you could if you were all those things. Luckily for me I have all those things, and I'm the luckiest son of a bitch alive.