Promises, Promises

So first things first. Simone is the best ride I have ever had. She's amazing. She's got great curves, and she's so sensitive, responding to my every touch. I think I'm in love.

As for other things, I did my normal weekend thing and got totally smashed. Someone once (or a hell of a lot more times) said, "If Ed is puking, it's time to stop drinking." Yeah, people needed to stop last night. Let me tell you about it.

I had originally planned to go hang out with my friend Karen. Do a little BBQ, hit the pool, throw some frisbee, drink a lot of booze. Keep in mind she's the useless friend who abandoned me to the Police, and the Drunk Tank. There's a very good reason she's my friend: without friends like her, I would have hardly any stories. Another friend of mine, Krissy, was in town and I didn't hang out with her the night before cause I had to work at 7am, so I was going to go meet her down town at the Pike Market, and then leave and meet up with Karen. Obviously, this wouldn't be the story it is if that was actually what I did. No, someone found my weekness: Free Drinks.

I met Krissy at the Market and then she offered me free drinks, a hot bartender, and a ride home. Hard to pass up. I know I got the ride home cause I made it here, somehow. And my drinks were free, and the bartender was fairly hot. The rest of it was pretty much just typical crazed Ed.

So Carlene, the bartender, asked me what I wanted to drink and I made the typical mistake, I told her to surprise me. Here's the scenario to shed a little light: new bartender at a new cool bar trying to show off for her friend she hasn't seen in a while, and me. I have no idea what I drank for the most part, but I know they were all pretty damn strong. Sometime in here I vaguely recall telling Karen that I might not make it out to her place. She laughed and said as soon as she heard I was hanging out with Krissy and getting free drinks she knew I wouldn't make it. For all the amazing anecdotes of what I actually said you would have to ask the people I said them too: the bar owner's wife and the wife's mother; the butch lesbian, her girlfriend, and her straight friend; the hot chick who fell off her stool, her sober mid thirties friend, and the six guys who were trying to run the train on these two chicks; the 21 year old girl on her 21 run, and her 8 friends who kept cockblocking me. Sadly, the only other chicks in the bar were Krissy, and her fat friend who showed up. Her fat friend might have hooked up with one of the guys in the band too, even though I told her he was gay (or at least he hit on me more than her for a while).

I bought a total of three drinks. One Blowjob for the 21er, and then two AMF's (Audios Mother Fucker) for the 21er and me. I may be damn good, but even I make poor choices sometimes. If I had hit on someone OTHER than the 21er (also known as the main star in the evenings events for the pack of girls) I would have been set, but I had to go for the gold. And the lesbians. And the married chick. And her mom. And the chick who was already tied to six guys that wouldn't let her out of their sight. And her friend who was about a four, sober, and mean. And the bartender who wandered off and took a bunch of E with her co-workers. Bad showing for me, I know, but sometimes even I am too drunk to work my magic. Wait, no I'm not. I just had the shittiest wings ever. A creepy fat chick, and a funny fat chick. Whatever, I didn't have to buy most of my drinks, and I had a lot of them.

All in all, I had a good time. If you got me beat, let me know.