This Ain't No Pony Ride

I owe the title of this post, like so many other amusing things, to Karen. And no she wasn't the one on the ride. According to Karen I'm a Stallion. To find out why, we have to go back to Wednesday (which I should have already told you about, but my comp is still busted).

So Wednesday night I went out with a couple that was staying at the hotel. Cool people. They drank PBR, live in Alaska, and the chick has a prosthetic eye. We hit Nabob (awesome bar up the street) and then headed down into Belltown where we hit up Shorty's (cool pinball bar) and then headed to the Sea Sound Lounge (I think). SSL is a little too clubby for me. It has that wanna be swanky look, with big open spaces, glass, lots of black and white, and velvet covered couches in the corners. They even have a dude who hangs out in the bathroom (gotta be gay to take that job) just to hand you paper towels and squirt soap in your hand (God I hope that was actually soap and not.... Never mind). It also had pretty hot Asian chicks. Other hot chicks were there too, but the Asians are the point to this story. Oh, and Jessica. Can't forget her, she provided the humor, for me anyways. Jessica is a chick I work with whom everyone but me (and thankfully her boyfriend, my boss) seems to think has a crush on me. So you have me (drunk), some hot Asians (drunk), some cool people from Alaska (drunk), and Jessica (sober). No, this story doesn't quite go the place you think it's going. Kinda.

Being me, and drunk, I decided to talk to (hit on) one of the Asian girls. Guess what? Yep, exactly. So after a little light conversation, and some dancing we ended up back on the couch. By the way, I may be white, but I can dance. At least I can if I am drunk enough. It's easy, or at least someone once explained a real easy way to dance to me. Dancing is just sex standing up; I'm good at that. Anyways, this is where it gets funny. Sandra (Drunk Asian chick I was with) asked me if Jessica was glaring at us because she was my girlfriend. I explained the situation: She's my boss' girlfriend, and he'd fire me if he thought she liked me. Sandra pointed out that it was probably a good thing he wasn't there. That still makes me laugh. A couple hours later, after doing basically everything you can get away with in a mostly empty club on a Wednesday, and after the Alaskans, and Jessica had left, I got Sandra's number and then helped her get her way drunk friends in the car, and on their way home. Apparently Sandra wasn't all that drunk. I was. I thought she was hotter. She's cute, and pretty cool, but I really thought she was hot as hell. Not like I care; she's fun in bed, and she reads.

Fast forward to Sunday. For those of you who forgot, Sunday was my birthday. So I threw a party. A really small one where I was WAY more sober than last year. I left Karen at the bar with two random guys hitting on her (Yay Karen) that apparently she didn't sleep with (Boo Karen), and went with Sandra to move her car. Her car that we ended up having sex in in the QFC underground parking garage. Classy, I know. Then we came home, where Mario and Morgan had gotten me a cake, which was hella cool, not to mention a huge surprise. Mario also made an idiot of himself by telling me they had also gotten me the Happy Birthday balloon on the coffee table. The one Sandra got me. Yes, people, he really is just that dumb. Then we went to bed.

Short Version:
Make out, strip, foreplay, fuck for about 20 minutes. 15 minute break. 2 minutes of foreplay, 1 hour of sex. 45 minutes of chit chat, 2 minutes trying to sleep, foreplay, fuck for another hour or so, pass the fuck out. Intermittent sleep for 4 hours. Get up, close window so she can sleep better, foreplay, fuck for a while, shower, sleep for 2 hours. Wake up, wake her up with foreplay, fuck for however long it was, go get breakfast. Respond honestly to Karen's text with a number, get voice mail from Karen calling me a stallion.

Eventually we even went to a Mariner's game. Anyone know who won? We left early.