Virginity: $2

As we all know, I lost my virginity a long time ago and I never regretted it. Other people make different choices. You would most likely expect me to disparage the decisions of most people, but I don't. I am, however, disgusted by people who have decided to keep their virginity until it means something, and then they just throw it away anyways. That's just dumb. Your virginity isn't something to be proud of having or not having. It's just a line that you stand on one side or the other of. It's also a notifier of how shitty you are going to be in bed, to a point.

The Muslims are idiots, virgins are useless. When I die, I want 70 sluts. I've had more virgins than a suicide bomber, and I am here to tell you they aren't worth bragging about, or desiring. And seriously, popping a virgin is horrible. It's like a miniature version of childbirth: Blood, pain, and after it's all done you have someone who follows you around all the time. I guess the payoff is a little better since you can at least fuck the personn following you around. Obviously this is all from a man's view. I'm sure for a woman, it's just really shitty, really short sex when they get a virgin between their thighs.

Chicks really need to figure their shit out before they have sex for the first time. Here's a couple hints. It's going to hurt. You won't like it. You will need new sheets. You will always compare this time to all the rest. You will never live down the huge (definately not his penis) mistake known as the guy you fucked. You will have serious mental issues because of this. You will think that this is how sex is supposed to be. It isn't.

Oh, and the guy fucking you? Here's the most likely events. He won't call you after. Men hate to cuddle. He doesn't care. He won't be nice about it. He will tell everyone he can. He will always be the guy who took your virginity. He doesn't know anything about how to please a woman. He fucks like a rabid dog high on crack. His dick is tiny, but it's still too big for your tight cunt, and that's the only reason he's with you. He doesn't love you.

Does this all mean that you should keep it in your pants? Hell no. What it means is that by the time you have the experience to know what you like, who you like, and what you want it will be way too late. And that is totally ok. Just spend a little while slutting it up, and you'll get it figured out pretty quick. Get more than just one partner under your belt and you might eventually even find someone who knows what they are doing.

Oh, and for general reference, there actually was a reason for all of this, but I don't feel like telling it to you.