Dear Girl Who Said No

I just wanted to write you a letter after the other night. I'm sure that you felt as though taking me back to your place and then saying, "No," the other night was the right thing to do. I'm glad to see that you have learned from the mistakes you made the other three times we slept together. I'm positive that this sort of attitude will help me to consider calling you. Ever. And who knows, it might even help me remember you name. Our relationship is really improving as we make these important steps forward. From now on I will have respect for you.

Sincerely,
Ed

PS: I slept with your room mate instead.

Chartreuse Strikes Again

At the insistence of Karen, I decided to go ahead and start posting things here again. I got lazy a little while back, and while I am still lazy, I also remember that I actually enjoyed doing this. Also, last night is deserving of being known.

This lovely liquor has been brewed by French monks using 130 different herbal extracts for around 400 years. It's about 110 or so proof (55%). It is also known by several of my bar friends here in Seattle to be absolutely horrible to drink, and it really fucks me up. Personally I can't decide if it's delicious or horrible, so I keep drinking it in an attempt to figure out how I feel about it.

Anyways, on to the story.

I'd had a fairly rough day at work yesterday, so even though I had told everyone that I wasn't going to, I went to the bar. It only takes a drink order to let people know how bad the day is. When you walk in and order a beer, then the day wasn't that bad. When you walk in and order a shot and a beer, the day was a little rough. But when you walk into the bar and yell to the bartender from the doorway that you need two shots of Chartreuse and a PBR... Well, you get the idea. Even people who have no idea what this stuff is can tell how bad the day has been just by the look on the faces of everyone who does know. Ordering like this does elicit some interesting reactions from interesting people though. And in this case interesting was very, very good.

In this particular case, the interesting person was named Cassie. If I knew a bit more about her career I could tell you where to find some shots she's done. She spent 7 years as a model. God knows she's hot enough to be one. She's now a retired model because she decided to get a real job, and look like a normal woman. By normal I mean that the last shoot she did a month or two ago in Paris, she had to lose 35 pounds for. Keep in mind this chick is right now at pretty much the perfect weight for her to be, and she looks amazing. If she lost 35 pounds she'd look like a crack head, a meth addict, or a model. Did I mention that she's only 21? Oh yeah, she's married to a guy my age by the name of Ariel.

So I sat down one stool to the right of Cassie (her husband was on her left) and they both immediately scooted down to be closer to me. It was her idea. I guess I should mention that these two are actually kinda regulars at my bar, so they know who I am, but we haven't really drank together before. Also in the bar were a few other people I know pretty well. Karla the bartender, Ben the bar back, Ian the video game programmer, Peter the kinda odd guy, Kekai the other video game guy from Hawaii. Ian, Peter, and Kekai all work together, and had a bunch of their co-workers with them, including two chicks that I have previously met, but not slept with yet (there were other chicks there the nights I met them). I wasn't in the bar to get any last night, I was there to get drunk, so sitting next to a married couple didn't bother me. Also, having the hottest chick in the bar talk to me does have some fairly positive results, meaning the other chicks in the bar all wanted to hit on me too.

The most interesting thing about the night was that I spent most of my time talking to Cassie, but not cause I was purposely hitting on her. What I was doing was providing marital advice. Don't ask me how that happened, I was drunk. All I drank all night was Chartreuse and PBR. The order (at least what I remember of it) was 2 shots, 3 beers, 1 shot, 1 beer, 2 shots, 2 beers, blackout... I think. Anyways, while providing marital advice (Really? Who asks a divorcee for marital advice) the other two chicks that I had previously met were staring at me, so as soon as Cassie wandered off to the bathroom I got ambushed. These two were terrified of Chartreuse, but amazed that I could drink it like I do. I think I bought them shots, my memory is a might bit fuzzy. Cassie came back after I did shots, and then all three of them were talking to me, and this time Cassie was definitely flirting. I know she was flirting because she made sure to give me her number in front of the other two chicks. I ended up with their numbers too, but Cassie started it.

I'm honestly not sure what time I left. The only thing I can remember about leaving is that as soon as I got in my truck I had to lean over and puke all over the street. The drive home is completely gone from my memory, as is getting home and going to sleep. Either way, I had a good time, I got hit on a lot, and I got three separate chicks phone numbers, one of which is a ridiculously hot, married, model.

Thanks, Chartreuse. You got me chicks, you got me digits, you got me fucked up. God the hangover hurt.