The Night I Banged Karen

The whole thing was a complete misunderstanding, I swear. No one but me knows the full details of the night, so as always, I am the one to tell it. Contrary to what some people think, the world did not in fact end.

It started as a fairly normal night. I was getting off work, and Karen was coming to the city so we were going to do dinner. For a slight change of pace I invited Simone to come with us. Dinner was fine, good conversation, few drinks, the usual. Then Simone went home, and Karen and I wandered off to pick up her really really drunk friends (like I have room to judge, but you can if you want) Megan, Steve (Megan's boy toy), and Steve's short friend with glasses whose name I am not entirely certain I have ever heard while sober. Anyways, we took them to Kirkland. Why? Because Karen had already said she would, and, in theory, Karen's other friend Britney (attractive and slutty according to rumor) was supposed to be showing up there shortly after us. To me it sounded like fairly easy, at least decent, no strings attached sex. Just how I like it. Obviously that didn't happen.

What did happen was that they only had one kind of beer to drink. I know in the old days I didn't care what I drank as far as beer was concerned, I just wanted to get drunk. But now I have experience, and more importantly, taste. Actually, I don't think I would have drink this crap even a long time back. What was it? Budweiser Select. Yuck. Either way, hanging out with ridiculously drunk people (think me at about 75% of what I can drink, drunk tank being 125%) is really dumb and irritating when you aren't. It's even more so with shitty beer. Around the time I was pretty much just done, and deciding that I either needed to get the hell out of there (couldn't do that, Karen was driving), or go buy decent beer and get shit housed (110%), I got a phone call from my ex girlfriend. I figured that was going to be good enough entertainment to validate me walking to the store to get beer, so I walked out. Karen followed me out about ten seconds later to drive me to get beer.

So we went to get beer. At the bar. In Seattle. We didn't go back.

At the bar I got a couple more phone calls, and got to hit on a few people. Mostly though I just hung out, got drunk, and listened to Karen talk about the cute boys she wanted to hit on. Karen left about 130 or 2. Around 230 I got picked up, taken to my house, and proceeded to fuck that woman several times that night, and a couple more the next morning.

Now this is the part of the story that is important. Between morning sexsions (its like sessions, but with sex) I went downstairs to get water and only then realized that my room mate had been sleeping on the couch directly below my bed. She wasn't really happy. In fact she was kinda pissed. Not that I was having sex, but who I was having sex with, not that I knew that at the time. So after being admonished about my sexual practices (translated, "You are such an asshole.") I went back upstairs for one more round. After that my living, breathing, walking, talking, cheating, loving, fornicating sex toy had to go. Simone was very relieved to find out I had been banging Jenny the entire time instead of Karen.

On a side note, the whole Jenny thing just keeps getting odder. Now she half lives with her new boyfriend a block and a half from me, yet she still comes by my place to fuck on a fairly regular basis. I'd love to say that I feel bad about it, or that I don't enjoy it, but that would be lying. It's always really amusing to give her advice on her new relationship (which I really don't want to end because she's happy, and I get great free sex) and fuck her at the same time. I don't even wonder why she comes to see me; no one fucks her like I do. Also I own her soul. It's in a jar on my bookshelf.